Kindness as a Radical Act

One of the things I’ve been thinking and writing about a lot on this blog is a holistic approach to living in the age of the Anthropocene.  Wendell Berry has argued in multiple books, including the Unsettling of America: Culture and Agriculture that the ecological crisis is a crisis of human culture.  By this reasoning, if we want to solve the ecological crisis, we have to create a better human culture with values that directly counter the current cultural values of narcissism, colonialism, efficiency, and the myth of progress that are cruelly destroying our world.  For me, a big part of this is thinking about the kind of human I want to be–the kind of energy and actions I want to put out in the world. And for those of us like myself who have inherited white colonialist legacies, this means we need to learn how to be better humans than our ancestors. All of the things we do to directly support the biosphere like sustainable living, regenerative approaches, rewilding, and conservation also help teach us a different, better set of values. I’ve written about some of these values already: gratitude, reciprocation, resiliency, and respect.  But today, I want to write about another value that is currently in short supply: kindness.

I’ve seen a lot of people—burned out, well-meaning people—argue that kindness is something that we don’t need now. That somehow this age has gotten so hard and so cold, and we all have to be hard and cold to shift into that place. That we have to be as brutal as everyone else, and it is easy to see that particular argument: when reality TV has encouraged the worst in people, and now our politics here in the US have become so polarized that people on different sides can’t even talk to each other and actively wish each other harm.  When groups of people are afraid for their very right to exist.  I don’t disagree with anyone about the choices they need to make to survive and thrive in this age.

But I’d argue that in an age where the norm is to take whatever you can get at the expense of others (both humans and the biosphere), kindness is a radical and powerful act.

But what do I mean by kindness? I would argue that true kindness is a value that we choose to bring to our interactions that involves showing care, consideration, generosity, and attending to the needs of others. It is the opposite of narcissism. Asia Suler has identified that there is a difference between being nice and being kind. She argues that being nice is something that people label you with—a value for women, especially, that focuses on you being agreeable, pleasant, bland and/or not upsetting the applecart.  She argues that being kind is a different kind of thing—in this case, it is something that we choose to portray, an inner goodness that we cultivate and offer to the world ourselves, not the labels others give us.  I like this definition of kindness—real kindness—as opposed to being quiet and agreeable.  And that means that sometimes it is the kind thing to do to speak up or take a different path than the norm.  I love this concept–I want to be kind because I feel it is the right thing to do, particularly in this dark age.  I want to live the values that I think the world needs more of.

I was talking about these thoughts with a friend of mine who is a fellow professor at the same university where I teach. She just published a book on her research in refugee camps in Ethiopia, and one of the things she discovered was that while the conditions of these camps were awful, one of the most powerful lessons she saw was in this communal kindness that people had: in spite of the terrible daily life conditions, people worked hard to treat each other with care, consideration, and generosity. They took an unbearable situation and made it bearable simply by attending to others’ needs.  That in the face of so many challenges and inhumanity, they remembered their humanity. I sit here and wonder if that kind of thing would work on a larger scale. And I wonder what we would need to pull it off.

Kindness is a virtue that I believe we all can strive for.  It is certainly one that I work hard at in my own life—to bring kindness into my interactions with all beings.  This might mean doing something like moving the worms from the sidewalks, attending to the needs of a stray cat, lending money to a stranger, or even honoring the paper wasps.  Kindness is about kinship, relationships, and connection.  I don’t think you can have kin without being kind.

I think there’s a deep power in language, and looking at the history (etymology) of the term “kind” and “kindness” offers more insight into the importance of kindness in building kinship relationships with all beings. While there are two meanings of “kind,” the meaning we are focusing on today goes the whole way back to proto-Germanic *kundi- which refers to “natural” or “native” as well as *kunjam “family” or “kin.” These terms made their way into Old English, where “(ge)cynde” was tied to “natural, native, innate,” and the “feeling of relatives for each other.” Meanwhile, in the year 1300 CE, we see the term kindness referring to “courtesy, noble deeds” but also in Old English, “kindness” tied also to “nation” or “produce, an increase.”

So in this etymology, we see that the foundation of kinship is based on kindness and that being kind and being kin are actually the same thing. We treat those who are our family, relatives or kin. It is important to note that for a growing number of people, including those who are druids, animists, and nature-centered folks, this kinship is not limited to human beings.  We can be kind to all beings on the land, in our human and bio communities, and through that kindness, build respect, mutuality, and connection. But the other fascinating thing about this etymology also links the abundance of the natural world to this kindness. This to me demonstrates what Tyson Yunkaporta in Sand Talk describes as the custodial relationship that humanity should have with the earth.

And kindness is not just beneficial to building kinship and mutuality—it also has the added benefit of increasing our own well-being.  This sounds like a situation where everyone wins—we feel good when we are kind, and it benefits everyone around us. And we see some movements that are based on kindness spreading and growing. The idea of “random acts of kindness” is a movement that takes place in multiple communities where people do kind things for strangers.  There’s the idea of gift economies and paying it forward, working together in mutuality.  These kinds of activities are counter to this present capitalist and narcissistic age.

And let’s not forget another kindness—the kind of kindness and care we can offer ourselves in this dark time.

In an age where everyone and everything is for sale, being kind is a radical act.  And I think it is another way to slowly, brick by brick, dismantle the tower that is the myth of progress.